{"id":7982,"date":"2026-10-23T15:25:35","date_gmt":"2026-10-23T21:25:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/?p=7982"},"modified":"2026-10-23T15:25:35","modified_gmt":"2026-10-23T21:25:35","slug":"acceptance-is-not-agreement","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/2026\/10\/23\/acceptance-is-not-agreement\/","title":{"rendered":"Acceptance Is Not Agreement"},"content":{"rendered":"Approximate Reading Time: <\/span> 3<\/span> minutes<\/span><\/span>

\"\" A series about patterns, connections, hindsight, and those moments when scattered pieces suddenly form a bigger picture.<\/p>\n

\n

\nOctober 18, 2026 \u2014 Fifty-five years later
\nFifty-five years ago today(*), my father died by suicide.
\nI was twelve.<\/strong>
\nIt was his third attempt.<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\"The

The last photo ever taken of my dad.<\/p><\/div>\n

There are some things in life that cannot be undone. Death is perhaps the most absolute of them. We can spend years examining what happened, wondering what might have been different, imagining what we or others could or should have done. But eventually, if we are to continue living, we must find some way to accept what cannot be changed.<\/p>\n

Acceptance, however, is not the same as agreement, and understanding isn\u2019t actually required for either of them. It\u2019s lovely when all three align, but staying stuck while waiting or hoping they do isn\u2019t healing.<\/p>\n

\n

It\u2019s consuming.<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

I have been thinking about that distinction a great deal lately.
\nI am navigating the end of a very long marriage, and with it, a legal process that has challenged some of my most fundamental assumptions about fairness, evidence, authority, and justice.<\/p>\n

I have always believed that facts matter. That evidence matters. That the numbers need to add up. That people with authority over us have an obligation to exercise it responsibly.
\nI still believe those things.<\/p>\n

What I no longer believe is that following an established process necessarily produces a just outcome.<\/p>\n

A decision can be procedurally valid without being fair. Rules can be followed while their underlying purpose for existing is lost. Discretion can be exercised in ways that are perfectly permissible yet profoundly unjust to the people who must live with the consequences.<\/p>\n

And once a decision has been made, the process itself can become the justification for refusing to reconsider it.<\/p>\n

This raises questions that take up a lot of my time these days:<\/p>\n