{"id":7973,"date":"2026-10-11T14:22:35","date_gmt":"2026-10-11T20:22:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/?p=7973"},"modified":"2026-10-11T14:22:35","modified_gmt":"2026-10-11T20:22:35","slug":"is-your-identity-fixed-or-can-you-update-it-when-needed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/2026\/10\/11\/is-your-identity-fixed-or-can-you-update-it-when-needed\/","title":{"rendered":"Is Your Identity Fixed or Can You Update It When Needed?"},"content":{"rendered":"<span class=\"span-reading-time rt-reading-time\" style=\"display: block;\"><span class=\"rt-label rt-prefix\">Approximate Reading Time: <\/span> <span class=\"rt-time\"> 2<\/span> <span class=\"rt-label rt-postfix\">minutes<\/span><\/span><p>I&#8217;ve been working on some articles that get at the core mindset that appears to drive abusive people.<br \/>\nThis chart came from some of what I am discovering.<br \/>\nToxic, entitled, abusive, and controlling people seem to have a rigid sense of self that they define quite apart from how they actually show up in the world. This rigid identity can not tolerate being questioned.<br \/>\nIt seems that these people have a radically different world view from most of the rest of us. They experience the world and everything in it as things to possess and control. Others among us experience the world and everything in it as things to form relationships with, and those relationships usually carry responsibilities of stewardship.<\/p>\n<p>This is a spectrum, just like most other human conditions, and even the best of us slip into the &#8216;possession&#8217; end of the scale at times.<br \/>\nThe KEY difference? Are you willing\/able to self-reflect honestly?<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-7974 size-full\" src=\"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/When-Behaviour-Is-Questioned_-Two-Paths.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1536\" height=\"1024\" srcset=\"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/When-Behaviour-Is-Questioned_-Two-Paths.png 1536w, http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/When-Behaviour-Is-Questioned_-Two-Paths-300x200.png 300w, http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/When-Behaviour-Is-Questioned_-Two-Paths-1024x683.png 1024w, http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/When-Behaviour-Is-Questioned_-Two-Paths-768x512.png 768w, http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/When-Behaviour-Is-Questioned_-Two-Paths-450x300.png 450w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1536px) 100vw, 1536px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>On the left, we have:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Identity as aspiration:<\/strong> This is who I want to be, and my behaviour is how I work toward becoming that person.<\/li>\n<li>This requires no defense, simply understanding, learning, and, if warranted, change in bhaviour.<\/li>\n<li>It ALSO allows for the identity itself to change over time. It allows us to change our position on things when we learn something new.<\/li>\n<li>This is the: \u201cWhen you know better, you can DO better.\u201d approach to life.<\/li>\n<li>It allows for correction, forgiveness, and lifelong change.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>And on the right we have:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Identity as possession:<\/strong> This is who I have decided I am, and I must defend that claim against anything that contradicts it.<\/li>\n<li>The defence isn&#8217;t protecting an established identity from being damaged. It&#8217;s protecting an <strong>invented<\/strong> identity from being exposed as a <strong>fiction<\/strong>.<\/li>\n<li>Here, identity protection becomes the very mechanism that prevents identity alignment.<\/li>\n<li>This is the Popeye approch to life. (I am what I am.)<\/li>\n<li>This is rigid and requires agreement rather than understanding.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em>p.s. For the tech geeks in the crowd:<br \/>\nIt\u2019s the difference between storing your identity in ROM or in EPROM.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/p>\n<div class='wp_likes' id='wp_likes_post-7973'><a class='like' href=\"javascript:wp_likes.like(7973);\" title='' ><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-content\/plugins\/wp-likes\/images\/like.png\" alt='' border='0'\/><\/a><span class='text'>Be the first to like.<\/span><\/p>\n<div class='like' ><a href=\"javascript:wp_likes.like(7973);\">Like<\/a><\/div>\n<div class='unlike' ><a href=\"javascript:wp_likes.unlike(7973);\">Unlike<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p><span class=\"span-reading-time rt-reading-time\" style=\"display: block;\"><span class=\"rt-label rt-prefix\">Approximate Reading Time: <\/span> <span class=\"rt-time\"> 2<\/span> <span class=\"rt-label rt-postfix\">minutes<\/span><\/span>I&#8217;ve been working on some articles that get at the core mindset that appears to drive abusive people. This chart came from some of what I am discovering. Toxic, entitled, abusive, and controlling people seem to have a rigid sense &hellip; <a class=\"more-link\" href=\"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/2026\/10\/11\/is-your-identity-fixed-or-can-you-update-it-when-needed\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7973","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-educational-technology"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4Hsb6-24B","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":30,"url":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/2007\/09\/24\/corrosive-leadership\/","url_meta":{"origin":7973,"position":0},"title":"Corrosive Leadership","author":"Katrin Becker","date":"September 24, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Although it is not new, I came across this today. Corrosive Leadership (Or Bullying by Another Name): A Corollary of the Corporatised Academy? by Margaret Thornton The literature reveals that the incidence of bullying is increasing in corporate workplaces everywhere. While the data is scant, it suggests that bullying in\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Academia&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Academia","link":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/category\/academia\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2174,"url":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/2012\/05\/19\/where-ive-been-this-week-weekly-7\/","url_meta":{"origin":7973,"position":1},"title":"Where I&#8217;ve Been This Week (weekly)","author":"Katrin Becker","date":"May 19, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"~ A record of places on the web I want to remember ~ \u00a0 Snap! Build Your Own Blocks. Alpha programming language tags: snap scratch News Details Overall, the top five countries, nominally providing the 'best' higher education were found to be the United States, Sweden, Canada, Finland and Denmark.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Games&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Games","link":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/category\/games\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4051,"url":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/2014\/07\/15\/plos-medicine-why-most-published-research-findings-are-false\/","url_meta":{"origin":7973,"position":2},"title":"PLOS Medicine: Why Most Published Research Findings Are False","author":"Katrin Becker","date":"July 15, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"PLOS Medicine: Why Most Published Research Findings Are False. John P. A. Ioannidis,\u00a0 Published: August 30, 2005 DOI: 10.1371\/journal.pmed.0020124 Interesting. There is increasing concern that most current published research findings are false. The probability that a research claim is true may depend on study power and bias, the number of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;General&quot;","block_context":{"text":"General","link":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/category\/general\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"http:\/\/www.plosmedicine.org\/article\/fetchObject.action?uri=info:doi\/10.1371\/journal.pmed.0020124.g001&representation=PNG_I","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1929,"url":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/2012\/01\/01\/my-wish-for-2012\/","url_meta":{"origin":7973,"position":3},"title":"My Wish for 2012","author":"Katrin Becker","date":"January 1, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"This year both my mother and my brother died. It has made me stop and think very seriously about how I live my life. My niece posted this article on Facebook in December and I've adapted it for myself. It was a list of the top regrets told by people\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;General&quot;","block_context":{"text":"General","link":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/category\/general\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/2011-01-10_13-24-54s-300x200.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1538,"url":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/2011\/01\/12\/comment-on-larry-cubans-blog-facebook-friends-and-online-schooling\/","url_meta":{"origin":7973,"position":4},"title":"Comment on Larry Cuban&#8217;s Blog: Facebook, Friends, and Online Schooling","author":"Katrin Becker","date":"January 12, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Facebook, Friends, and Online Schooling | Larry Cuban on School Reform and Classroom Practice. I think he's right. That does not mean that FB is a waste of time or the online learning doesn't work, although both are true at times. It means the relationships formed online are different from\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Educational Technology&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Educational Technology","link":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/category\/educational-technology\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2833,"url":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/2012\/09\/16\/where-ive-been-online-to-sept-15\/","url_meta":{"origin":7973,"position":5},"title":"Where I&#8217;ve Been Online (to Sept. 15)","author":"Katrin Becker","date":"September 16, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Can We Please Move Past Apple's Silly, Faux-Real UIs? | Co.Design: business + innovation + design To do this, we need to design UIs that are stripped down as much as they can be. This means avoiding superfluous and gratuitous ornamentation, both visually and through how they move. But this\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Computers&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Computers","link":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/category\/computers-2\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7973","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7973"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7973\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7975,"href":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7973\/revisions\/7975"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7973"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7973"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7973"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}