{"id":7937,"date":"2026-09-17T08:30:29","date_gmt":"2026-09-17T14:30:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/?p=7937"},"modified":"2026-09-16T23:33:07","modified_gmt":"2026-09-17T05:33:07","slug":"the-six-and-the-nine-of-redemption","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/2026\/09\/17\/the-six-and-the-nine-of-redemption\/","title":{"rendered":"The Six and the Nine of Redemption"},"content":{"rendered":"<span class=\"span-reading-time rt-reading-time\" style=\"display: block;\"><span class=\"rt-label rt-prefix\">Approximate Reading Time: <\/span> <span class=\"rt-time\"> 4<\/span> <span class=\"rt-label rt-postfix\">minutes<\/span><\/span>\n        <style>\n            .becker-series-header {\n                width: 100%;\n                margin: 12px 0 20px 0;\n            }\n\n            .becker-series-content {\n                display: flex;\n                align-items: center;\n                gap: 22px;\n                width: 100%;\n            }\n\n            .becker-series-image {\n                flex: 0 0 38%;\n                max-width: 300px;\n            }\n\n            .becker-series-image img {\n                display: block;\n                width: 100%;\n                height: auto;\n                margin: 0;\n                padding: 0;\n                border: 0;\n                box-shadow: none;\n            }\n\n            .becker-series-description {\n                flex: 1;\n                margin: 0;\n                padding: 0;\n                line-height: 1.5;\n            }\n\n            .becker-series-rule {\n                clear: both;\n                width: 100%;\n                height: 3px;\n                margin: 12px 0 0 0;\n                padding: 0;\n                border: 0;\n            }\n\n            .becker-series-description a {\n                text-decoration: none;\n            }\n\n            .becker-series-description a:hover {\n                text-decoration: underline;\n            }\n\n            @media screen and (max-width: 600px) {\n\n                .becker-series-content {\n                    display: block;\n                }\n\n                .becker-series-image {\n                    max-width: 100%;\n                    margin: 0 0 12px 0;\n                }\n\n                .becker-series-description {\n                    width: 100%;\n                }\n            }\n        <\/style><div class=\"becker-series-header\"><div class=\"becker-series-content\"><div class=\"becker-series-image\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/banner-s-4.jpg\" alt=\"It All Makes Sense Now\"><\/div><div class=\"becker-series-description\">A series about patterns, connections, hindsight, and those moments when scattered pieces suddenly form a bigger picture.<\/div><\/div><div class=\"becker-series-rule\" style=\"background-color:#235A84;\"><\/div><\/div>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;\">There is a familiar meme about perspective: two people stand on opposite sides of a number painted on the ground. One sees a 6. The other sees a 9. They are looking at the same thing, but from different positions, so they interpret it differently.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-7943 size-medium\" src=\"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/6-or-9-300x225.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\" srcset=\"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/6-or-9-300x225.png 300w, http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/6-or-9-1024x768.png 1024w, http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/6-or-9-768x576.png 768w, http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/6-or-9-400x300.png 400w, http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/6-or-9.png 1448w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;\">I have been thinking that redemption stories may work that way too. I like redemption stories because I am interested in the transformation. I want to understand what happened inside the person. What finally got through? What did they have to confront? What did they learn? What did they stop defending? What began to matter to them that had not mattered before? What changed enough that they started behaving differently?<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;\">That is also one of the reasons I like memoirs. I get access, however imperfectly, to another person&#8217;s way of making sense of a life. Sometimes I learn something useful from how someone else coped, changed, failed, adapted, or survived. For me, redemption is interesting because change is interesting. Learning is interesting.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;\">But what if another person watches the very same story and barely notices the transformation at all? What if, for them, the meaningful part is what happens afterward: the asshole is forgiven, the difficult person is welcomed back, the misunderstood man is finally appreciated, everyone stops being angry with him, and people recognize that underneath it all he was really a good person?<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;\">That is a very different redemption story.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;\">I have been wondering whether that difference helps explain something I could never quite understand about someone I used to know. He liked redemption movies. A LOT. <i>Groundhog Day<\/i> was his favourite film. Yet throughout our relationship, one of the most consistent difficulties was his resistance to any kind of lasting behavioural change. More than once, he told me that if I needed him to change his behaviour, that meant I did not love him.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;\">That statement only makes sense if changing behaviour is experienced as a threat to the self. If the self is rigid \u2014 <i>this is who I am<\/i> \u2014 <em>and who I am is Good,<\/em> then acknowledging that some important part of one&#8217;s behaviour needs changing can feel like conceding that the self itself is not in fact Good. Accountability stops being information and becomes an attack.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;\">In that framework, redemption through self-transformation is almost impossible to contemplate. But redemption through other people&#8217;s changed perception is perfectly compatible with it. Perhaps, for some people, nothing fundamental has to happen inside them. <strong>You<\/strong> simply have to understand <strong>them<\/strong> better. <strong>You<\/strong> have to stop being angry. <strong>You<\/strong> have to recognize their good intentions. <strong>You<\/strong> have to forgive them. <strong>You<\/strong> have to see that they are actually wonderful.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;\">The transformation that they see happens in <b>you<\/b>.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;\">That thought made me remember a scene from <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Dead_Like_Me\"><i>Dead Like Me<\/i><\/a>. Mandy Patinkin&#8217;s character is talking about sincerity and says something roughly like, \u201cI do this with my face, and then the sincere words come out.\u201d The point is not that genuine feeling eventually appears to match the face. <\/span>The point is that the appropriate performance can be produced without any corresponding feeling underneath it.<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;\">Perhaps that is another version of the same 6\/9 divide. In my version of redemption, changed behaviour is evidence of an internal process. The person can see what they did, tolerate the discomfort of knowing it, accept consequences, and behave differently even when forgiveness is not guaranteed.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;\">In the other version, the gestures themselves may constitute redemption. Say the right thing. Make the right face. Be nice again. Offer affection. Return after the rupture with a friendly expression and behave as though the rupture has ended. Then the other person is supposed to complete the process by forgiving.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;\">That pattern happens repeatedly in some marriages. After conflict, one partner could simply reappear with a new friendly face. But there was often no repair underneath it: no sustained examination of what had happened, no meaningful answer to the other partner&#8217;s repeated question, <i>What are YOU willing to do to repair this relationship?<\/i>, and no durable behavioural change.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;\">From my side, the redemption gesture fails because the underlying problem remains. There is no repair. No accountability. No self-reflection. From their side, perhaps the bewildering part was that the gesture did not work permanently. <i>I came back. I was nice. I said the appropriate things. Why are you still upset?<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;\">If redemption is understood primarily as the restoration of acceptance, then continued anger or mistrust looks unreasonable. The problem is no longer the original behaviour. The problem becomes the other person&#8217;s refusal to forgive.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;\">That produces two radically different readings of the same event. <\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;\">From one side: <i>You hurt me. You have not changed the behaviour that hurt me. Therefore the rupture is not repaired.<\/i> <\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;\">From the other: <i>I made the redemption gesture. You are still holding this against me. Therefore you are refusing to let the relationship heal.<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\">Six and nine. Same movie. Different meaning.<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;\">The crucial difference is <em>where<\/em> the change is expected to occur. In one version, redemption requires the person who caused harm to change. In the other, redemption is achieved when everyone else changes their opinion of them.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;\">That distinction also helps explain why redemption stories can be deeply satisfying to people for entirely different reasons. I may be watching Ebenezer Scrooge and thinking, <i>Look at what it took to break through his defenses. Look at how his understanding of himself and other people changed.<\/i> Someone else might be watching the same ending and thinking, <i>Look. He bought a big turkey and everyone loves him now.<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;\">Those are not merely different emphases. They are radically different theories of redemption. One is about becoming someone capable of different choices. The other is about finally being seen the way you always believed you deserved to be seen. Perhaps more importantly, they are entirely different views of reality itself. <\/span>One accepts that they bear responsibility for the impact of their behaviour, that other people\u2019s reactions may tell them something important about how they are showing up in the world, and that this warrants self-reflection. The other holds their own behaviour to be wholly justified, often by default, and expects everyone else to recognize their \u201ccorrectness\u201d and to adjust accordingly. One accepts that they must sometimes change. The other expects the change to happen elsewhere.<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;\">And perhaps that is why the 6\/9 image feels so apt. Sometimes two people can spend decades looking at precisely the same thing and never realize that they are not arguing about the answer. They are standing on opposite sides of the number.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n<div class='wp_likes' id='wp_likes_post-7937'><a class='like' href=\"javascript:wp_likes.like(7937);\" title='' ><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-content\/plugins\/wp-likes\/images\/like.png\" alt='' border='0'\/><\/a><span class='text'>Be the first to like.<\/span><\/p>\n<div class='like' ><a href=\"javascript:wp_likes.like(7937);\">Like<\/a><\/div>\n<div class='unlike' ><a href=\"javascript:wp_likes.unlike(7937);\">Unlike<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p><span class=\"span-reading-time rt-reading-time\" style=\"display: block;\"><span class=\"rt-label rt-prefix\">Approximate Reading Time: <\/span> <span class=\"rt-time\"> 4<\/span> <span class=\"rt-label rt-postfix\">minutes<\/span><\/span>There is a familiar meme about perspective: two people stand on opposite sides of a number painted on the ground. One sees a 6. The other sees a 9. They are looking at the same thing, but from different positions, &hellip; <a class=\"more-link\" href=\"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/2026\/09\/17\/the-six-and-the-nine-of-redemption\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[443,444],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7937","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-itallmakessensenow","category-series"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4Hsb6-241","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":6972,"url":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/2018\/08\/12\/worth-sharing-deliberate-practice-makes-perfect-how-to-become-an-expert-in-anything\/","url_meta":{"origin":7937,"position":0},"title":"Worth Sharing: (Deliberate) practice makes perfect: how to become an expert in anything","author":"Katrin Becker","date":"August 12, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cAppropriate practice is the single most neglected aspect of effective instruction.\u201d (Merrill, 2001) This is one of MANY reasons why gamification can be helpful in formal learning. We can reward practice. We SHOULD reward practice. I used to think that we should never give out marks for \"effort\". While I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Educational Technology&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Educational Technology","link":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/category\/educational-technology\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/Stroytime2-300x224.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":7918,"url":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/2026\/09\/11\/a-new-look-for-my-blog\/","url_meta":{"origin":7937,"position":1},"title":"A New Look for my Blog&#8230;.","author":"Katrin Becker","date":"September 11, 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"I\u2019ve been doing some reorganizing. Over time, several recurring themes have emerged in my writing\u2014some rooted in projects I\u2019ve been working on for years, and others that seem to have quietly become projects while I wasn\u2019t looking. Rather than have them scattered throughout the blog, I\u2019ve decided to give them\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Educational Technology&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Educational Technology","link":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/category\/educational-technology\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/banner-s-300x100.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2990,"url":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/2012\/10\/14\/theories-of-games-and-interaction-for-design-6-putting-ourselves-in-the-game\/","url_meta":{"origin":7937,"position":2},"title":"Theories of Games and Interaction for Design (6: Putting Ourselves in the Game)","author":"Katrin Becker","date":"October 14, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"These are public postings of my writings for the first course of the Graduate Certificate Program in Serious Game Design and Research at Michigan State University. Please note: these posts are not intended as any kind of commentary on or assessment of the course I\u2019m taking, or its instructor, OR\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Computers&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Computers","link":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/category\/computers-2\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/10\/2011-04-05_20-06-01.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":5643,"url":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/2015\/09\/16\/on-farming-and-phishing\/","url_meta":{"origin":7937,"position":3},"title":"On Farming&#8230;.. and Phishing","author":"Katrin Becker","date":"September 16, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Sometimes, you just have take advantage of opportunities when they present themselves. Yesterday, the sun came out after several dreary days of rain, so I took the opportunity to go out and do a bit of yard work. There's a fair bit of work that needs to be done around\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Information Technology&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Information Technology","link":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/category\/information-technology\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"2015-09-09_14-04-35b_wm","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/09\/2015-09-09_14-04-35b_wm-300x218.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":3309,"url":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/2013\/03\/22\/supreme-court-gives-american-consumers-victory-over-copyright-owners-in-kirtsaeng-vs-john-wiley-sons-forbes\/","url_meta":{"origin":7937,"position":4},"title":"Supreme Court Gives American Consumers Victory Over Copyright Owners in Kirtsaeng vs. John Wiley &#038; Sons &#8211; Forbes","author":"Katrin Becker","date":"March 22, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Good. In a 6-to-3 decision in Kirtsaeng v. John Wiley & Sons yesterday, the U.S. Supreme Court said U.S. copyright owners may not stop imports and re-selling of copyrighted content lawfully sold abroad. The decision is a major victory for American consumers because it allows them to shop worldwide for\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;General&quot;","block_context":{"text":"General","link":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/category\/general\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":7389,"url":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/2020\/03\/22\/reni\/","url_meta":{"origin":7937,"position":5},"title":"Reni has been published.","author":"Katrin Becker","date":"March 22, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"My next book has been published. It is written by my mom, and edited by me. This is my mother\u2019s story. It is the story of an extraordinary German girl born in Berlin just before World War II. It is written in her own words. Find it here: Reni \u00a0\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Educational Technology&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Educational Technology","link":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/category\/educational-technology\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/reni-200-1.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7937","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7937"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7937\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7945,"href":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7937\/revisions\/7945"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7937"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7937"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/minkhollow.ca\/beckerblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7937"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}